Hopes, Dreams And Aspirations

It is such a grand title for a post about me rambling about what my blog is about to become and in a certain amount has been this summer. Nonetheless, this is what it is.

I can of course not say for sure what this little corner of the blogosphere will become because as you all know, my mental health is steering many of my decisions in life. But I have aspirations and I have dreams. I want it to be certain things and I want it to be it to be that in a certain amount each month, or perhaps even week.

I have things I want to write about. Anime obviously. This whole blog started out as a place for me to sort through my anime in a list sort of fashion. I was supposed to make some lists and that would be it. All in the name of me keeping check on what I had seen, what I wanted to watch, genres and all else you can do a list of. You who have followed me from the start know that that never happened. Well, shit happens and if I might say so, it turned out better. I’m bad at doing lists.

Anime yes, I want to write about anime. It will be my main subject as before. Something I want to write about but haven’t really had the courage to do is manga. I want to tell the world about all the amazing manga I have read but then I have to write reviews and I am not good at that. When it comes to manga it is even harder than with anime. I am afraid to fuck up. What if I misunderstood something? Or forgot something? And who am I to really tell the world that something is good? Or bad? Most of what I read is amazing and I’m just gonna talk about things I find amazing anyway. So yeah, I want to but do I dare, is the real question. So maybe there will only be more manga hauls to come in the future. Those will never stop, I assure you of that. I have already bought more manga since the last post.

Mental health. My brain is messed up, another thing most of you know about me. I’m bipolar, I have anxiety and my memory has deteriorated noticeable as a side effect of one of my medicines. My memory is a huge obstacle in my desire to write reviews just because I can’t clearly always remember what happens. Especially in a manga with say 10 volumes. Anyway, I will write about my mental health. There is no escape from that. I need to write about mental shit, for me and for others in my position. We talk too little about mental illnesses. It’s not good enough to talk about only depressions. It’s not good enough to hear all the success stories out there, the stories about how you can heal yourself with carrots and yoga. Some of us need a doctor and medicine too. Not that carrots are bad for you, they just aren’t enough for people like me. And others out there are in the same situation and they need to know that they are not alone.

Well, I have some unfinished project I have to finish. It’s first and foremost my hot boys challenge. I believe Arthi, Mel and Aria are done with it now so I can take it easy and do it in my own pace. I’m gonna try and do one post a week but I can’t promise anything. I have some tags I want to do; Three quotes a day and the real harem Merlin’s Musings tagged me in. There are some awards from way back in January or something like that that is long overdue. I have a bad conscious about that but I will do it.

jack1

Fan fiction and fiction; yeah, I do write that sometimes. It’s been a while but I have actually started a new one now. Not sure when it will be done or even if, time will have to tell. But it is kind of nice to have something else to do. Meanwhile, I am thinking about uploading stuff I have written here on the blog. Make a subpage. I have some stuff on AO3 and one non fan fiction (well, it was ff from the beginning but I remade it) on Wattpad. It could be nice to gather it all. So yeah, that’s how I think. Maybe.

Oh dear, this became a long post about what I might do. Anyway, my absence this summer has been two parts damaged brain and one part having the family home from school and work. Yeah, I haven’t had one day alone or even one hour. I can’t do stuff if I am not alone. I have a hard time to write if I know I can be disturbed anytime. And someone always comes with some irrelevant information or want help with something they can do themselves, or someone just passes by. It disturbs my concentration and I just give up. I used to sit up at night but I have a doctor who forbids me from doing that so yeah, summer time is no good time. Anyway, school starts in two weeks, husband’s vacation is over at the same time and I will finally have the days to myself. I can watch anime, read manga and write as much as I want.

Man, this ramble must end. I’m done here. All I want you to know is that I will be back, eventually in a greater capacity than now. I hope you are still here then.

18 thoughts on “Hopes, Dreams And Aspirations

  1. So close to 200 too. I can’t for certain say you’ll get better soon because I don’t know you in almost any capacity, but you seem to be a person who can find happiness as easily as you do sadness. Hopefully by taking a break with your husband, you can find happiness much more.

    We’ll be waiting!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. ❀️ Yeah, I’m one of those people who carries their emotions on the outside I suppose. I am on my way back again. The summer is hard though since I haven’t had the chance to relax properly, charge my batteries. I can only do that fully by being alone and I am never completely alone when husband and kids are at home. It sounds horrible probably that I need to be away from them to relax. 😐 But I will be back and it wont be too long I hope. I’m not completely gone I think. There will be some posts, hopefully.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. And my first fan to boot. 😎 Well, I am glad you would. I’m gonna try and make it interesting nonetheless. I doubt you want to read about woollen socks. Although… 🧐 Thank you. ❀️

      Like

  2. I always like you ramblings, and I never see them as ramblings in the first place. So …you just ramble on, all that you want. Oh and if there is one thing you don’t have to worry about it’s the fact that I won’t be here anymore. I don’t care how long it takes for you to write a post: they are always worth waiting for.
    All I can say is that I know you are dealing with a lot of things and your mental health is certainly one of the most important things. But I also know you are a fighter, and not someone to give up anytime soon. Good luck in your struggles, and all the cool things you have planned sound amazing. This octopus will wait very patiently for your return 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I ramble a lot. I like to ramble. And sometimes I rant too. That can be refreshing. 😎 Anyway, I’ve gotten such loving comments on this post and it really warms my heart to know that I have people who thinks about me when I’m down and gone. I will not be totally gone anymore but I am still not there just yet. I thought I was but yeah, it takes longer than I counted on. Well, two weeks to go and then I will get my much needed alone time back again. I can’t function if I don’t get to be alone. It sounds harsh maybe. Well, my brain is tired of all the activity around me.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha…well, you know…I ramble a lot too ..and I love doing that as well. And I think I have ranted one time..in the history of my blog. I really should do that more…I think. HmmmmmmπŸ€”πŸ€”
        Why do you think that is that people leave such loving comments? Could it have anything to do with the fact that you are awesome? Or maybe that you are a very special person that we all like having around (yes yes…me especially 😘❀️). Because really…that is pretty much the truth!
        As for being back/not back…again there is that word again. Take the time you need. We will all be waiting patiently. And I understand the alone time. It’s sometimes necessary for just getting a bit of a rest, and allowing you to unwind. It doesn’t sound harsh for even a single second. And ..when you feel up to it, we should totally do that movie night thing again! That was a lot of fun 😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “Used to sit up at night but I have a doctor who forbids me from doing that” -> I love that doctor! A thing that I really had to get straight to be able to get better from my anxiety was to have a good sleep schedule! No more night outs for me and I always try to at least sleep 8 hours. If there is a day that I don’t do this I can feel immediately anxious.

    Don’t care that much about how accurate or if you misuderstood something while writing a review thought. This is your blog so it’s normal that you are going to write about your perspective πŸ˜› If something does not add up, people will tell you in the comments, you say “oh you are right!” or “Nah, I don’t think that’s right!” and that’s it! People will always have different perceptions about something so just write what you think about it and that’s more than perfect to me! If we all wrote the same manner and the exact same things there would already be a robot which would write a review and everyone would follow that πŸ˜€

    It seems that you have a lot of projects! I’m really happy and excited to see them all coming alive eheh πŸ˜€ And let’s see if you won’t need to add one more project to those πŸ™„

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love my doctor! Well, that and I also fear him a bit because he threatens to admit me to the psychiatric ward if I sleep less than 3 hours a night so yeah, there’s that.😳 But you are right, a good sleep schedule is crucial to your mental health. Mine is pretty fucked up when I am in an episode. I sleep too little when I am manic and too much when I am depressed. It’s hard to keep a schedule but I try and the first step was to actually go to bed before my husband. If I stay up after he’s gone to bed I never go to bed. Then I just sit up and write or watch anime.

      Reviews scare me. Everybody else’s are so perfect. Well maybe they aren’t but it feels like everyone knows exactly what they talk about and I just feel confused and then I doubt myself instead. Just a simple thing as animation; what’s good and not. So many times when i thinks something looks good i get back that it looks cheap or is badly done. Well, not to my face but if you read a lot of reviews about what you have seen. Maybe I just read the wrong reviews or my eyes might possibly be totally damaged. Idk, stuff like that makes me doubt my ability to write reviews. I’m not even sure if I should write them to begin with. But i want to try to do at least one. Ugh, first world problems. πŸ™„

      Oh yeah, so many projects in my head. I want too much maybe. I’m happy if I at least finish my hot boys. I’m not gonna stress with any of it though. It’s not as if my blog is going to disappear. So, I’m not gonna time myself to some sort of schedule because I am not good with that. I admire people who have like monday music and such. I couldn never do it with out getting stressed out.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a good thing! The way I found to be able to fall asleep earlier was by watching Youtube videos that were not too exciting, neither too boring πŸ˜› It still takes like an hour or so for me to fall aslepp, but better than 3 hours like it was before πŸ˜€

        loool I understand what you want to say! Just go with your feelings about it, it’s not like that will be wrong since everyone experience something in a different way! πŸ˜›

        Well, you do you xD However, for those projects… Don’t forget to check your twitter messages πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Always remember that reviews are personal opinion! Maybe you got a different message or theme from a manga than someone else? Well, that’s sort of the point! If everyone liked things the same way and gathered the same things from them, what would be the POINT of writing reviews? It’s all to spark discussion so we can embrace our similarities and differences… Or at least that’s how I like to think of it! And if someone else thinks differently and wants to fight? Well, fuck them! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚ Honestly, I haven’t had any problems and I find that WordPress folk are Ge really very supportive! I for one would love to see you thoughts on manga. β€οΈπŸ’–

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so wise. I’m just an insecure little frog. Idk, you are right, I should just bite the cucumber and at least do one review. If nothing else than to prove to myself that I can’t do it. I mean, in the process I might actually show myself that I can. πŸ€” Yeah, there might be a review of a manga at some point.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “bite the cucumber” πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ I love it!! πŸ’ŸπŸ’“πŸ’– I believe in you, Lina. I’m sure you’ll prove to yourself that you’re great at reviews. Or, you’ll be like me and just enjoy yourself and tell others if they don’t like how you write reviews, well it’s a big interweb, and they don’t have to read them! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Like

    1. Thank you! ❀️ Your comment means a lot. I’ll soon have my alone time again and then I should be able to recover from this slope I’m in properly. Ugh, it’s just so tiresome to feel like I am on my way back just to have a backlash and slide down again. Ah well, I am getting there. Eventually. In the meantime, I feel lucky to have such a wonderful bunch of bloggers waiting for me, caring for me. ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.