Now You See Me – Now You Don’t

Not the movie, me. It’s all about me. Me and my absence to come.

A conversation between my husband and me in the grocery store earlier today:

Me: I think I might have a lighter depression.

Him: You figured that out now?

Me: […]

Him: […]

Me: Yeah, I guess I did.

That’s how it is most of the times. I should have figured it out a lot sooner, when I wrote about my little break from the blog. The break that never really happened. He never tells me when I start to dig a hole [or start to climb up]. There is no use because I never listen to him. I am fine. That’s what I tell him. I have to figure out for myself that my low isn’t just a low but a depression, be it a lighter one or a deeper one or anything in between. All while he just waits and listens to me.

What do I want with this post then? I need to breathe. I need to pause and take that break I told you I would take back in June. The break that never came to be. This time I will log out from WordPress and Twitter. It is not only about anime and manga, it is about the world in general. It takes too much of my energy. All I really can muster and find energy to do is lay in the sofa and watch Fullmetal Alchemist or read one of all the unread manga I have. I don’t really have the urge or interest to do anything else. I just don’t care. My mind strays off to darker or emptier places, my body is restless, but I can’t do anything about it because I have no energy left. If I think about it I just want to cry.

So, I am logging off. For now. I am not sure for how long. I’m gonna try and enjoy the beautiful weather we have here in the north for once. It’s ridiculously hot and sunny, uncharacteristic for my country in the summer. It’s so hot and dry forests are burning and farmers has to euthanize their animals because they don’t have enough fodder because the harvests have been destroyed. Only that one thing is discouraging.

I should end this post on a high note so I am just gonna add a gif that always makes me happy. Until we meet again…

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10 thoughts on “Now You See Me – Now You Don’t

  1. I’m so sad that you are having a low and need to log off 😦 I hope you the best and I’ll be patiently waiting for your return! Take the time you need ❤ if you need to talk you already know where my place is!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I struggle with depression constantly, and because I have bipolar specifically, I have super low days or high days and very, very few where it’s in between. I understand your need to log off and know that you have a support network here, who will always wish for your happiness and best health. If you ever need anything, my DMs are always open on Twitter. Take all of the time you need. Sending loves and kitty hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not going to like this post. But in my heart I am liking it, because you made a tough but quite honestly very good decision to finally think of yourself for a change. Since I have known you, you always try to come back, to respond to people, to still write posts….in short…to be here for us. Now…you must think of yourself. I hope you logging off, is going to help you get some much needed rest.
    I do have to say that WordPress and Twitter just lost a light…and as such the overall light here has dimmed. I am really going to miss you, no questions about it, but I want you to take all the time you need and come back when you feel you are ready for it. And not sooner. No matter how long that takes….I will be waiting, and everyone else I’m pretty sure will do so as well.
    Take care Lina….and if you do need me…I’m pretty sure you know how to find me. Tentacle hugs from mr Octo 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m glad you’ve taken the step to step back when you know you need to. It’s hard sometimes, but necessary. I hope this break helps you and that you come back with more energy. Lots of love and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Take care of yourself Lina, we’ll be waiting for you, just know that we’re cheering on for you too even though its a virtual gesture! A good rest will go a long way~
    Hope to see you again when you return~ *hugs*

    Like

  6. If you feel you need a break, you should take it. Take care, I’ll be excited to see what you do if you decide to come back.

    Like

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