Not the movie, me. It’s all about me. Me and my absence to come.
A conversation between my husband and me in the grocery store earlier today:
Me: I think I might have a lighter depression.
Him: You figured that out now?
Me: Yeah, I guess I did.
That’s how it is most of the times. I should have figured it out a lot sooner, when I wrote about my little break from the blog. The break that never really happened. He never tells me when I start to dig a hole [or start to climb up]. There is no use because I never listen to him. I am fine. That’s what I tell him. I have to figure out for myself that my low isn’t just a low but a depression, be it a lighter one or a deeper one or anything in between. All while he just waits and listens to me.
What do I want with this post then? I need to breathe. I need to pause and take that break I told you I would take back in June. The break that never came to be. This time I will log out from WordPress and Twitter. It is not only about anime and manga, it is about the world in general. It takes too much of my energy. All I really can muster and find energy to do is lay in the sofa and watch Fullmetal Alchemist or read one of all the unread manga I have. I don’t really have the urge or interest to do anything else. I just don’t care. My mind strays off to darker or emptier places, my body is restless, but I can’t do anything about it because I have no energy left. If I think about it I just want to cry.
So, I am logging off. For now. I am not sure for how long. I’m gonna try and enjoy the beautiful weather we have here in the north for once. It’s ridiculously hot and sunny, uncharacteristic for my country in the summer. It’s so hot and dry forests are burning and farmers has to euthanize their animals because they don’t have enough fodder because the harvests have been destroyed. Only that one thing is discouraging.
I should end this post on a high note so I am just gonna add a gif that always makes me happy. Until we meet again…