That feeling, the feeling of wanting to but not being able to is frustrating. I’ve been frustrated this last week. Extremely frustrated even. I want to write, so bad, but I have no idea about what. I have subjects pop up in my mind that disappear almost as fast as they snuck into my brain cells. I have subjects I have been thinking about but for one reason or another I feel isn’t suitable to write about right now. Maybe later, another time, but not now. Then there is the fact that if I even try all I manage to create are words on a paper and nothing else. It’s not interesting, it’s not fun, it’s just words in a row speaking to no one, not even me, and I hate them. Some of them with passion, others I just have a lukewarm attitude towards. Mostly I just feel indifferent to what I have written so I just erase and close the lid to my computer and move on to other stuff. I have read a lot of manga this last week. More than usual. I blame it on the lame words I put on paper and then erase. Well, blame is harsh, I love to read. So, thank is a better word perhaps.
I can’t keep filling my days with thoughts about how I want to write but how I have no idea about what and try to force myself to come up with some interesting subject. Or even try to write a review about some show I’ve seen. I’m at a stage where I watch an anime and think “what can I really write about this?” and then I realise that I have no idea. Others do it better, analyzing it, and I don’t have enough positive energy to find those little things to make it the way I usually do. So, I just watch and think of nothing really. I read a manga and think that it would be fun to review a manga sometime but, I have no idea how to do it without spoiling the plot completely. I just can’t think further than outside the living room right now. No, than the sofa I have parked myself in. Or the bed I sometimes lay and write in. It’s frustrating.
This upcoming week will be hectic; a school trip, a birthday and a birthday party, school break begins on Wednesday, a trip to an amusement park with a night at a hotel. Maybe this is a perfect week for a break from this blog? I don’t want to really but I realize that i probably have to. This last week have been tiring. I have just felt exhausted when I have thought about the blog and I don’t want that to be the feeling when I think about it. I don’t want to feel the need to achieve constantly here on the blog. I want this to be a place of joy and happy thoughts and I haven’t felt that lately. It feels more like work.
I’m not going away for good, I just need a summer break, just like the kids. Just for a little while. Find the inspiration again. Find my words. I will try to do the Hot Boys Challenge though because I made a commitment when I chose to join that challenge but other than that I don’t know what will come out of here, if anything. Maybe if I get the brightest, bestest idea I need to share with you all.
This last week I have managed to reduce my #tbr name tag a whole lot. That’s a pleasant feeling I think, to be able to get them off my list. I would have loved to write a review of them but yeah, how do I do that? Anyway, here’s the revised list:
Nibiiro no Hana
Yokai Rental Shop vol. 2 Uminari
Yasashiku Oshiete Awkward Silence vol. 5-6
Age Called Blue
Love Full of Scars
Only three to go. I have a feeling this list will be finished shortly, then I can go on with my anime. I’m afraid not much has happened there. I have decided to do at least one a week so we’ll see how that goes.
Natsu e no Tobira
Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e
Young Black Jack
Mob Psycho 100
A Silent Voice
Listen To Me Girls, I Am Your Father
That’s it. I have nothing else to say really. I will be back eventually. You’ll find me on Twitter because I can probably not stay away from there but I am not sure I will read on WordPress. That alone will just cause me to try to come up with something to write and I am back in that toxic mindset that I have to produce a post. So, I better stay away.
I love you all. You are the best. The support I got after my somewhat controversial post about shota was overwhelming. Thank you! ❤