Yeah, what? That’s just what?
No, but seriously, I do get the question sometimes. How can I love boys love? Two guys kissing and getting it on in the sack. Sometimes hotter than anyone would like to see. Well, if you are not me and my fellow fujoshis and fudanshis that is.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now actually. I read quite often that liking boys love is a fetish. I am gonna assume that these people also think that liking girls love is a fetish. You never read about that. Well, the definition for a fetish is:
1 A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.‘a man with a fetish for surgical masks’‘a foot fetish’
- 1.1 An excessive and irrational devotion or commitment to a particular thing.‘the western fetish for all things North African’
2 An inanimate object worshipped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
Well, let’s just decide that a man is not an object straight away, shall we. At least I won’t stand for objectifying anyone. People do argue that men and women in porn are objectified the minute they take off their clothes and expose themselves to the world. I have a lot to say about the porn industry but this isn’t the kind of blog for that, so let’s move on to my 2D guys. Well, paragraph one also states that it is a sexual desire for an excessive and irrational devotion or commitment to a particular thing. I could buy that loving boys love would be a fetish except for the tiny fact that we are talking about sexual desire here. I don’t feel sexual desire when I read boys love. That is not why I read or watch boys love. I love my boys but I don’t sit here and get all excited and hot and horny. So, no fetish according to number one. That leaves number two then. Okey, I give in, it is a fetish. I mean, who doesn’t think of Yuuri as their spirit animal?
Okay then, Yuuri is a spirit animal (not mine though because I am deeply devoted to my penguins) and being a fujoshi/fudanshi is having a boys love fetish (yeah, I don’t agree as you might have figured out by the previous paragraph). But why did I start to watch boys love and how come I ended up loving it so much I gave up on real world porn.
It all started with this guy.
His porn star name is Kyros Christian. Yup, he is/was, I don’t think he works as one anymore really, a twink porn star. Last I heard anything he was studying at some college. That is a few years ago. Anyway, I happened upon him just by coincidence one dark december night while surfing porn (damn, so that’s the kind of person you are. Admit it, that’s what you all think.). For a while there I had some sort of fascination for black and white porn gifs (god, again, what kind of a person are you) and twinks pleases my eyes aesthetically. Especially the emo kind of guys. You might think that the leap from that boy above to these two guys is huge but I swear it is not.
I kept on browsing after I found one gif with Kyros Christian and his partner. I was curious, he was the perfect image of what a guy should look like in my mind, body wise. I needed more. (What the fuck, are you for real Lina? Gay porn, yuck. Seriously, people around me actually reacted a little like that. Let’s just say, I don’t have them friends anymore. Not because I like gay porn but because I don’t like homophobic people with rotten opinions. Now, where was I?) I finally found out his name. His and his partner. It was an old gif of course, he had already stopped making porn by then but the movies were there on red tube and they were a delight to watch. What better was, they were an item. A real couple and it showed. So precious. (Get to the point, stop getting all dreamy about the two guys.) Well, it’s rare in that business, that’s all I am saying and I enjoyed every minute of it.
So, here’s the thing. While I was surfing around in my search for more (I get easily obsessed when I find something beautiful and that was beautiful) I stumbled upon Sensitive Pornograph. It was equally as magical as those two guys. I watched that anime at least three or four times that first week. But that was all, I kept searching for more twinks. I had seen all there was to see of Kyros and his partner. I hoped I could find something else beautiful but no, there wasn’t anything. It was over, the beautiful world of… yeah, that. So, I figured why not go down the route of anime instead. Let’s try, maybe I can find something equally as beautiful as Sensitive Pornograph.
I am not sure now what my next boys love anime was but I know that Ai no Kusabi, Hey, Class President, A Foreign Love Affair and Embracing Love is among the first ones. The ones people usually starts with; Junjo Romantica, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and particularly Gravitation, I watched a lot later in my career as a fujoshi.
But, you still haven’t answered the question to why you love this art form called boys love. Oh yeah, I haven’t, have I. Well, as I said, I browsed around for that special thing those two twinks had. I promise, it was something special (ugh, again with that romantic, pink, flower surrounding visualization. Two porn stars and you add sprouting roses all around them. Pah!) I couldn’t find it in 3D people but I found it in anime. I found it in manga. I found it in boys love. It is all there. But why can’t you just read/watch shoujo then? It’s romantic and cute and fluffy. Sure, and also annoying as fuck.
You see, shoujo has a girl in it. I know, I know, that sounds almost sexist. I promise it’s not. I like girls. In real life. Most of the times. I don’t understand most of them but it’s okey, I can cope. But in shoujo anime I can’t stand them. They are whiny and nervous and stutter and blush and I don’t know, they annoy me. It takes forever to get anywhere and the misunderstandings are tearing me apart, slowly ripping my insides to shreds. I just can’t take it. Also, the girls always love the boys and look up to him and worships him and seriously, where is the equality in that. Well, I actively avoid most anime with girls in it so maybe there is something out there where it isn’t like that but yeah, that is one part of why I prefer boys love.
In boys love the two parts are more equal. Certainly there are exceptions but you rarely have one guy depend on another the way a girl give herself completely to a guy and depend on him. Most of the guys are fairly safe with each other, there aren’t any sexual abuse (except for that damn Junjo Romantica and even in a way Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. I mean, come on, listen to the guy and calm down. Especially Junjo Romantica is borderline rape, not to say it is rape. It’s complicated but it is actually okey that anime/manga is complicated and depict things like that too. Just not in the romanticized fashion. Anyway, a topic for another post.) and the whining and blushing is limited. I do want to mention how much I hate the very common trope of the uke (bottom/receiver) playing the blushing bride in bed who just have to resist and over and over cry no even though it is completely clear that he wants to fuck just as much as the seme on top of him (or wherever he is at that moment. He mostly actually is between the dude’s legs making magic with his tongue and lips.)
So, where does this leave me then? I love boys love because I want the ultimate dream I guess. Two men I find aesthetically pleasing. I don’t find girls as beautiful as a lean, well proportioned (not meaning muscular or tall even though that is very nice also) man. I don’t like huge breasts on a tiny body. I don’t like stuttering, blushing, insecure girls who can’t get to the point but I like a romance that is straight on the point. I can’t have that in a shoujo manga/anime. I understand men in a whole other way than I understand women. I can identify on another level with men than I can with women. I’m not a man but I have never been able to understand women.
Wow, this became a long post. The longest one so far. I am not sure I have even answered the question in a satisfying and clear way. Ah well, just throw me a comment if you wonder anything. All I can do is to try and clarify my thoughts if they are fuzzy.