It took me a whole day to get through one and a half hour. Three OVAs should take less than a day. It wasn’t a case of me having to do a lot of thing, I had all the time in the world. It was more a thing of me not being able to endure more than ten minutes at a time of this terrible thing. (also, I happened to fall asleep in the middle of the thing at one point.)
Garzey’s Wing, or Byston Well Monogatari: Garzey no Tsubasa, is a very simple anime. They fight. The problem is, I have no idea if this is supposed to be serious or if it’s a parody or maybe a comedy. I imagine that they were aiming for a serious fantasy anime but it is hard to swallow the fact that certain things, like the mc repeatedly falls of his horse like a lump of potatoes in one OVA or, in the same episode actually (all the jokes are in OVA two by the way. That’s when they realised that a little bit of comedy could be nice.) he leans a little to close to the fire and, well, he is suddenly on fire.
So, what is this sad thing about anyway? It’s about Chris. Chris is like any other teenage kid on a motorbike in the middle of the 90s. Chris has a necklace with little bells on. One day Chris decides to drive home to his hometown and when he drives past a shrine his necklace starts to jump. Yup, it jumps. Suddenly, Chris’s soul is kidnapped by a giant goose. The goose flies off to some other dimension where it drops him off. Naked. He ends up among some fighting tribe members, still naked, with wings attached to his feet. This is where I get (even more) lost because all I can focus on is his crotch and the fact that the animators has given the guy pubes but the dick is missing. Where the hell did his dick go and why does he have pubes? It takes me probably a minute or so to ponder about this mystery before I turn my attention to the wings on his feet. Why the hell does his feet have wings? Like seriously, why on the feet? Isn’t it more practical to have them on, say, the back? And again, where is his dick?? Who took it? So, no dick, feet winged boy Chris also has a little fairy or what ever hanging on his necklace. Yup, she’s just hanging there. She hitched a ride from some world he passed on his way down to where ever the hell he is now.
Okay, so that was the first 3 minutes and 43 seconds. (yes, I looked at the time)
Moving on then; the rest of the OVAs are more or less about some endless war between this tribe and some other tribe (I think. It is very unclear, but they ride on giant and a little less giant dinosaur creatures on steroids. It could be some sort of Romans gone bad if this was during the classical era in our world. But it isn’t and I am still not sure who these bad guys really are.) Chris is supposedly this holy warrior who has come to save this tribe. A woman named Hassan has tingled her bells and called for him to come (thus his soul getting snatched and losing his dick) and save them all. At his help he has these wings on his feet, the Garzey’s Wing, but those are pretty unreliable. They seem to live a life of their own, coming out whenever they feel appropriate and not always when Chris needs them. At some point he suddenly can talk to himself in the other reality and he has these conversations with himself about how to defeat the enemy. His real self suggests cool kendo moves and helium ballons (so, is this a comedy or what?) but he kind of gets annoyed with himself and admonishes himself by asking if he thinks that there are any stores where he is. Come on man, how is he supposed to know that? Soul in one place, body in another. Well, he has some help from himself. Also, his buddies apparently are totally okey with him being able to communicate with his soul who is fighting a war in some strange fantasy land with fairies and dinosaurs.
Well, what can I say. Nothing really. It is a waste of time. Oh yeah, I watched the dub. I wish I could say that it was hilarious but yeah, no, I can’t. It was just sad. I wonder where they found the voice actors? And if they maybe got instructions that they should sound like total idiots? I can’t even describe it, it’s something one has to hear to understand. I am curious about how the Japanese version sounds but unfortunately I couldn’t find it and I am not gonna bother to look now. Also, I usually like the dub on old anime like that because they generally are good. Just not this one. (I doubt it would make a difference though, it is garbage no matter how you see it.) It has one thing going for it though; the ED is dope. I really love the ED. It’s lovely. It’s 90s lovely. Did I mention I love the 90s? I think I did. This song is very 90s and I really like it very much. (and I am gonna admit that Chris is rather cute, even though he is dickless.)
It is available on YouTube for anyone who wants to watch it. I am not gonna recommend anyone to do it though. But, for your convenience; here it is.